I know I have not been blogging for a very long time. I can simply lie and say that I was too busy and that I had no time to blog but I am kinda sick of lies and hypocrisy at the current moment so I will just come out with the truth and say that I was not interested in blogging. And the crave to write overwhelmed me so much yesterday that I had trouble sleeping. Tossing and turning in my super comfortable bed. So here, I am all poised to pen down my thoughts. You know how teachers used to say that writing down your feelings helps you to vent out all sorts of and feelings and emotions out. At that moment, we will be cursing the teachers and thinking how the hell does writing it down aid in the relieving of stress but as we grow and the intensity of our problems increases with time, we somehow realise that penning down the feelings does help to reduce our very own stress level.
How will you feel when you think your entire world is tumbling down on you? When you feel that the comfortable fortress that you have built for yourself is threatening to collapse on you? I think we all will expect to feel anxious, depressed and forlorn. But the thing is, why do we in the first place built that comfortable fortress around us? Why do we keep on wrapping ourselves with the blanket called the comfort zone? Why do we not dare to step out of it? Why are there are so many self-guide books trying to guide us to be daring, to venture out and find out who we are? What can they possibly know about us that we ourselves do not know? I think the answer simply lies in the fact that we lie even to ourselves. We deny our flaws and our mistakes. When we commit any mistake, we tend to act as if its not our mistake and that everyone else is doing it, EXCEPT you. How can we then learn to be a better being when we have not even learned to accept ourselves as who we are, as individuals? How can we expect another being to love us for who we are when we ourselves are not able to embrace and love who we are?
Therefore, the first step is to accept you for who you are and not give excuses to what you have not achieved. Even I used to do that but then, when I lay at night pondering about it, why do I do it? Why do I lie to people about my failures? Why am I not courageous enough to own up to my mistakes and learn from it? I will be turning 21 in another two months, give or take, and I have realized that I have not achieved anything that is worthy of recognition. I am not blogging this here because I am feeling low and need motivation. Believe me, I have never felt more driven and motivated to achieve something. At least I have learned to accept my flaws and embrace my strengths.
I have accepted the fact that though people say that the blood beneath the skin is red, men and Indian men at that will always go for fair skin. I have accepted the fact that though people say that inner beauty is what is important, in this superficial world, outer beauty will always be valued more. I have accepted the fact that though people might be jealous of someone else for some thing or another, they will never ever be willing to admit it. I have accepted the fact that one of my greatest strengths lies in the mere notion that I am able to face the person and say that I envy the person for something. I am not sure if that makes me superior but it certainly makes me feel good from within that I am not wearing a mask to hide my true hide and feelings. I have accepted the fact that stereotypes will never cease to exist and that the demand for oriental beauty will never decrease. I have accepted the fact that I might not be the genius my family thinks I am but at least I know that Singapore will always suffer from imported inflation and that cancer is the most incurable disease ever cause it is uncontrollable cell division. I have accepted the fact that I am not beautiful on the outside but that I will always be beautiful on the inside because I know when to give up my seat to someone who needs it more. I have accepted the fact that I will NEVER EVER be able to put on gorgeous make up but I will be able to fix a bulb that has fused and fix a banister that has broken. I will never be able to do up my own hair and look presentable but I will look pretty presentable when I am on the treadmill, running my 5km.
It takes guts for you to say that you are good at something. At the same time, it takes guts to say that you are not that good at something too. I think I have finally developed some guts to admit that I am not that good at things too. And that alone, in my opinion, is one of the most worthwhile achievements that I have attained;)