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Introducing:) The on3 and only Hema!Turning 21 soon.Currently studying in SIM-UOL( Economics and Finance)
Three main wishes: First is to die dancing. Second is to live without any regrets and third is to have this family for ever end ever:)
Contact: Hahahhaha, you either have it or you dont:)
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Date: Friday, August 31, 2007 | Time: 8:30 PM
I had such a good cry the other night. It feels sooo good to wallow in self-pity. I was crying for almost one hour, over stuff that I am not even sure of anymore. Probably, I am suffering from depression. Who knows?
The very thing is that why am I soooo different for other teenagers? I honestly think that I am supposed to be born in the Victorian century. I have sooo many cliques, too many to count in fact. But, I feel that I do not actually fit into any of that group. Sure, I laugh and have fun with each of the individual group but I think I do not really belong. I fear that in my hasty quest to be popular, I lost out on the tightness and closure of true friends. Perhaps , this is my drama-ness showing but I really do not care about it anymore. My feelings ought to be appreciated too.
I am soo close to blowing up at my friends who hurt me in every statement. Not just by words but by ignorance too. Honestly I think the only reason why Saras hangs out with me is that I am the only other Indian girl in her class. If Za has gotten promoted, I bet my life that I will be thrown into the shadows. When we were celebrating Teacher's Day for Madam Tay, I felt sooo isolated. I do not think I fit in ANYWHERE! The worst thing , I fit in with people like 10 times older. Aargh! Am I really such an old soul?
And only God knows what is the deal with Shalu and kiki! If my hairstyle is really that horrible, probably it is because I have never re bonded my hair. So, unfortunately, my hair is not that long, thick and shiny. And, if my hairband is soo immature, maybe I AM immature. Is that the greatest sin in the world? And, so what if I didnt know about a freaky shoe horse? Will that determine my future and bring me to greater heights? At least I know when to draw the line when it comes to pissing people off. And, honestly, I think I have read sooo many more books than the both of them combined together. WHAT IS THE STORYLINE FOR TO KILL A MOCKING BIRD? I ask you now, kiki, what is the storyline for Wuthering Heights? For Great Expectations? for Tiger Child? for Red sky in the Morning? And, putting down people to make others laugh is sooo NOT A WITTY THING! If being in STC is sooo great, then I believe they must have taught some bloody MANNERS, right? As for the Chinese girls in Shalini's little posse, you do not like me, you tell it to my face, hear? STOP BEING SUCH COWARDS!
Friends are such a waste of time and effort. Either they talk behind your back or they talk straight to your face. I think I should try being as raw as them for a change. Lets see how they take it. Little Miss Nice huh? Lets see how you deal with Little Miss Devil. Cos , I can be a real bitch if I want to be. You wanna bitch about me, fine, I will be the same with you. Just make sure you are able to handle what you give to others.
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Date: Wednesday, August 29, 2007 | Time: 4:34 AM
Confessions Of The YJC Drama Queen
Haha. Kiki is sooo right, I am such a drama mama! I blow everything out of proportion. I get intense and agitated over the smallest, most petty stuff. I beat myself when I am nervous.
(not literally though.) Yet, I think it is precisely this melodramatics that defines me. Like how HEAD PREFECT fits Nandhini, DRAMA QUEEN suits me, fits in right next to my name. I shall think through certain periods when my melodramatics come to play. All in the name of Drama! Haha.
Firstly, when Sree came to tell me yesterday that he passed his Econs. I went into Drama mode, immediately. This time, the attitude was grief. I got sooo freaked out that I will flop my Econs. I started bawling, groaning, moaning, you get the idea. I actually started crying even before I knew my marks. Mainly because I studied for it and never in my life had I failed in stuff that I ACTUALLY studied for. So, I didnt want to astray from that trend. Thus, the free flow of bittersweet tears. In the end, sigh, all those tears were for nothing. Passed Econs, not with flying colours but passed nonetheless. So, yeah. One drama 'feather' in my hat.
Then, I get sooo stressed out when people I love start loving someone else or just started becoming closer to someone else. Or simply the fear that they are becoming closer to someone else. Examples? I got aplenty. Nandhini blogged about how her friends were there for her when she felt sooo down. I AM jealous.Then, I am sooo worried that my best friend is not there for me anymore. I am soo sad that doing well for my Os and going to JC was a grave istake.Sighzzz. For anyone else, these will be just another petty issue but for, Drama queen Miss S. Hemalatha, this is a HUGE deal. I guess since I am soo sweet to people, telling those who matter, how much they mean to me, I want that reciprocation. And, unfortunately, I do not get that. But that is no one's fault. It is just that since I get all so sentimental when someone does something nice to me, I expect people to be the same. Aargh! Life is certainly sooo confusing, with the existence of sooo many different forms and figures.
Oh, yeah. The highlight of my life right now? The mere fact that I got a B for my GP! I feel sooo great. A B for prelims means I can get an A for the As! And I missed the top grade by 2.5 marks! Oh, well.... The best part about being a drama mama? You get to enjoy the joy even from the simplest pleasures in life.
Anyways, I had lunch at Delifrance with Shalu and Kiki today. And it was sooo fun! I laughed till my sided ached. No kidding!
Final note? Shakespeare was right. Life is a stage with all of us actors. Man, so am I glad that I am somewhat a top notch actress. Cheers;)
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Date: Wednesday, August 22, 2007 | Time: 7:43 PM
This post is dedicated to all those out there who feel that they are hopeless, incapable of nothing and not talented in one way or another. Though it is hard to believe, everyone goes through that phrase once in a while, including yours truly. So stop kidding yourself that you are worthless. Cos you are a child of God and that is worth a hell lot of things .
Ability
by Selina E. Martis
Ability is to look at a blank page,
And create a poem.
Ability is to stare into the eyes of fear,
And come out stronger because of it.
Ability is to walk into a room of strangers,
And come out with friends.
Ability is to admit you are wrong,
When you are wrong.
Ability is to get back up,
When you fall down.
Ability is to believe,
when everything else seems lost.
Ability....
A simple word with a complex meaning.
For many ability is never found,
But for all, ability is within.
Ability stares at everyone in the face one time or another.
Whether your ability is how well you shoot hoops,
How well you flip at dancing,
How smart you are at school.
You have ability.
For some, ability is lost by never trying.
Whether never trying to shoot one more time,
Never trying to bend a little more,
Or never trying to score higher in school.
Ability is within.
Ability is yours.
This is especially for my dearest Vins. If you were not blessed with the talents of loving animals, kidding around, always making me feel better whenever I am feeling down, and yes your acting and singing talents included darling, you would have never been my best bud in the world. Hahaha. I love you for who you are. So, never again doubt your ability! Cheers.
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Date: Monday, August 13, 2007 | Time: 9:07 PM
Damn, my prelims are starting tomorrow and I am busily blogging here. No la. Honestly, just taking a breather, I guess. Been studying my brains out these past few days. Sincerely hope I will attain my desired grades for the prelims. Sighzzz....
Well, anyway, to other matters. Ghost Whisperer is back and I am loving every ounce of it! Watching re-runs over and over again. Nothing to do with the fact that David Conrad is utterly, unbelievably HOT! Double sighzzz... Unfortunately, guys dont come in such good packages here. Well, not all of them anyway... I have a particular someone in mind. Hehe. Probably, that someone is too good to be true. Shouldnt get my hopes up high, like I usually do. But, still hoping.* fingers crossed*
Yeah, on one of the episodes of ghost whisperer, there will be this tiny girl who wouldnt want to cross over cos she knew her mother was dying and that her dad did not know, they were separated, she wanted them to be together, blah, blah, blah. But, there will be this one line when her mother would say that she didnt want to undertake the necessary medicine and operation as her daughter was not given the chance and that it wasnt fair. Then, the girl, who is young as nine, will actually say that though she missed her mummy alot, she didnt want her mother to die just as yet. It almost broke my heart when she tells her parents that it is alright to be happy without her cos she is happy where she is.
It befuddles me to think that children are sooo much more smarter than adults. Unfortunately, I fell in the latter category now. But, I hope that my heart still thinks the same way as a child. Who gives a shit about being immature when your senses are still functioning in the right direction? I am talking about so-called adults who are ultra-possessive that they take their frustration on those not even directly involved in the issue. Talk about immature!
Well, yeah, anyway I realized, thankfully that my heart still hasnt become stoned yet when I forgave people I thought I will never be able to forgive. Sighzz... Then I came across this poem that perfectly suited my thoughts. Here goes....
Forgive
by Danielle Rosenblatt
Forgive the sun who didnt shine
The sky had asked her in to dine
Forgive the stars that heard your wish
The moon prepared their favourite dish
Forgive the rain for its attack
The clouds have tears they cant hold back
Dont hate the birds cos they are free
Dont envy all the things they see
Dont block the wind, but hear its cry
Or else that wind may pass you by
Forgive the storm it means no harm
Could not resist to show its charm
Forgive the earth that never turns
Dont hate the sun, because too much burns
Life intends to not cause pain
The flowers bloom from all the rain
The storm will come and it will pass
The sun that shines, it grows the grass
The wind it cannot help but cry
The stars at night light up the sky
Forgive the world in which we live
We'll all find peace if we forgive
Honestly, ppl, take a deep breathe and let go of all of your anger and marvel at the miraculous effect it will have on you. Believe me.
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Date: Sunday, August 5, 2007 | Time: 7:55 PM
I hate myself for losing my temper like that. It shows that I actually cared what the bastard thinks about me. Which I soo dont... He is such a ugly piece of shit who can rot to hell. I should not be wasting my precious brain space thinking about him. I have other, more important things on my mind, LIKE THE FREAKY PRELIMS THAT IS NEXT WEEK!
YJC is another piece of you-know-what. Honestly, if you do not want to give us study break, tell it to our faces. Stop being a bunch of wussies, for heaven's sake. Gave us study break this week, but we have to return back to school from Monday to Wednesday. Then, what is the bloody point of study break? It has soo not gotten past their thick skulls that some people just CANNOT study in school! It is not even study leave but they expect us to achieve top, quality grades. Please la, if you cannot even LEARN to appreciate the different studying methods of your students, then do not expect too much. I have been going back to school every Saturday to comply with their rules and to TRY studying but it is TO NO BLOODY AVAIL! I did not see any vast improvement in my marks. Not till I started studying at home, at my own pace, then I saw results.
They are SOOO narrow-minded. Just because the previous batch could do well after slogging in inhumane hours in school, does not mind it is the same issue with us! they wanted after school programmes, fine, I could deal with that. Then, they give us time to consolidate within ourselves for what? THREE DAYS? Believe me, they would not even have given us that if it was not for the National Day holidays. Then, it is compulsory for all the J2s to 'participate' in the celebration. Celebration, kiss my ass. I do not even feel anything, what is there to celebrate? No one in their right mind will be able to enjoy with the PRELIMS bloody nearing.
So, I decided to take my own study break. If they are not going to be sensitive to what we want, why must I then, always bend to their stupid rules? If they wanna expel me, then they have to face the wrath of my mother first. I am pretty confident that they will cower with fright. If the wanna suspend me, they cannot because I have not broken a single rule. Not even the punctuality rule. So, yeah, if they decide to do that, I am not a cowardly piece of shit who is going to sit around, not doing anything. I know exactly what to do. So, bah, humbag.