★ disclaimer: layout information
Layout: You and I
Browser: Mozilla Firefox / Internet Exporer
Resolution: 1280 x 800
★ page 1: profile
Introducing:) The on3 and only Hema!Turning 21 soon.Currently studying in SIM-UOL( Economics and Finance)
Three main wishes: First is to die dancing. Second is to live without any regrets and third is to have this family for ever end ever:)
Contact: Hahahhaha, you either have it or you dont:)
★
Date: Thursday, July 24, 2008 | Time: 9:31 PM
I have achieved one of my aims in my life- finally. I danced in the rain yesterday! Believe me, it helps to de stress by a huge mile. and the irony of it is that I danced for the song that I first cherographed and performed for. Haha. The rain drops felt sooo wonderful.* winks* Thank God did not come down with a fever. If not Ma would have suspected. Why else do I not bring an umbrella when I am out? *impishly grins*.Anyways, I am a danceaholic. ( Not sure if that term really exists or not:p) But I love dancing to classic tunes the best cos they are the BEST! I mean the other dance styles are great too but it is just that Bharatha Natyam has been around for like two decades and it has a really beautiful history. Like, wayyy before, Devadasis were actually thought to be celestial dancers who hail from heaven and they had to stay in the temples. Their job was to dance for the Gods but also to clean the sacred areas. They did not get married to humans but usually conducted matrimony with the Lord of Dance, Lord Shiva( or to be more specific, Lord Nataraja). They stayed in the temples and were treated with utmost respect, the respect that should be given to divine beings.However, after the invasion of the British Army, the British started to treat dance as a low job. They then started a campaign that banned dancing from taking place. As such, these devadasis who only knew how to dance , had no other choice but to resort to prostitution. As such, the term devadasis started to have a bad connotation. This term existed until great dancers like the Tanjore Quartet started to re-establish the reputation of Bharatha Natyam and this art form is one of the oldest in Art history. And I am duly proud to be a part of it. Shit! I just remembered about our dance project and I have to memorise the 72 ragaas for Sangeetham. Oh and by the way, I want to watch Kaadhal Oviyam sooo badly. Someone get it for me!!!!!!!!!!
★
Date: Sunday, July 13, 2008 | Time: 8:05 PM
Final realisation: I am a total bitch. The previous blog was like such a stupid thing.I am really sorry, Janu. I was not even angry with you, really, I swear. I am glad that unlike me, at least you tried to clear things up and I am glad for that. I am sorry that I even thought that you agreed to what she said when I know for a fact that you do not look down on anyone or anything and hate anyone who does that.*Hint: Kirthika:p* I am truly sorry that I actually almost tarnished my friendship with you cos of my utter bitchiness and my lack of trust in people. I swear that the colourful language wasnt meant for you at all. Pls forgive me. * pleading eyes*And Pam, thanks a bunch for the sweet message you sent me yesterday. It really touched my heart. You will not believe the number of people that I have to prove myself to. You are lucky that you have aunties and uncles who like you for who you are and that they do not measure you for the attainments that you have attained. If I am able to voice out my anger towards my friends whom I am closest to, I think that I am ready to voice out the real anger, the anger that I have been holding inside me for a very, very looong time. ( seven years is kinda long, right?) Ma has always been telling me to let the past go but thats one more thing about me. I will let it go only if it does not come back to haunt me. And she will murder me if she knows that I am blogging about this but I do not give a damn anymore. Adults should also finally realise that I too am an human being and that I have feelings too. And that they should learn to respect it.I have the suckiest luck in the world. I always do well for school examinations but when it comes to national examinations, I never do up to expectations. I am the girl who is able to reach out and touch the fruits of labour but was never able to taste the sweetness of the fruit. Well, anyway, I had a dream of going to RGS when I was in primary 6 and of course, with my prelim results of 265, I would have been able to. So, obviously, Ma and Pa were proud that they had such a smart child and they exclaimed it to everyone my secret dream. Then came along PSLE, and I got an aggregate score of 228 which means I cant even go to Cedar girls and I got stuck in Whitley which totally busted my morale. Then came the things that they said about a twelve year old, pls remember that I was only twelve. That only very smart girls can go to RGS and that I wasnt even smart. That my mother and father( who are the most righteous people in the world) used to look down on neighbourhood schools and that thats why I ended up in one such school. That we lied about my prelims results. ( I honestly felt like throwing my prelim results in their faces but as usual, Ma stopped me.) I know that all these were said with the intention of hurting my parents who will not even hurt a fly because they were boasting. Hello? Boasting is when you tell people that your son had had an early entry into Harvard at the age of fourteen. * Ahem* No comment. So, I kept what they said in mind and when I went to Whitley, I worked my butt off and I got fourth in the whole cohort. Cedar Girls called me to sit for a placement test but I rejected it cos I was happy in Whitley then.Then came my streaming year. Till now, according to some people, I should have gotten spoilt cos" thats the age" but as usual I proved them wrong. I was still the Hema they knew and unfortunately had the privilege of still hurting and teasing. I went to the first class and into triple Science. 'O' levels were nearing. Now, the thing was that, " Everyone can do PSLE well, its in O levels that we can see if the child IS really smart or not. " I fought on. My prelim results were 15 points and I went to YJC for the first three months ( which no one in my extended family has ever done.) My new YJ friends were telling me that people who usually do well in the prelims are likely to do better in Os. But, that wasnt the case with my results. I had an LRI5 of 16, which already was a great disappointment for me and they still had to rub salt on my wounds. first, they refused to believe that that was my score, then later they tried stopping me from going back to YJC, though thats what I badly wanted to do. Now, they were telling me that " That O level score isnt good enough to enter a JC." I ignored their so-called concern and went back to YJC, all the while thinking that I will shut their mouths when I got to NUS.Then they insisted that I will not get promoted, that only people who are really able to study will get promoted. I literally threw cow dung at them when I got promoted.But God has this thing with me where he refuses to grant at least one of my wishes. Probably, he is on their side, I really do not know. I got my A level results. As usual, it was ok, close enough but not good enough. I did not get into my dream school. I learnt to live with it but no, they will never let me. Listen to this, people. All A level students are gonna die laughing reading this. According to my aunt, who is actually a lecturer in MMI, THERE IS NO QUOTA SYSTEM IN NUS for courses like FASS, ENGINEERING. Only the medical and the law faculty have the quota. WHAT SORT OF BULLSHIT IS THAT! And there is more. Janu, supposedly people who cannot get into NUS have failed their As cos she insisted to my mother that I have failed my A levels and that I should retake. And guess how she knows about it. Prepare to be amazed. Her son, who is just taking his Os this year, was called into NUS and given brochures that said they had no QUOTA SYSTEM. Wow, right? A genius for a son. Well, I would rather die than to be him, cos he is a RUDE, ARROGANT, INSOLENT BRAT. And then, there is this, " What is Hema going to do with a econs degree?" It is my BLOODY problem what I am going to do, there is no need for your "CONCERN". So now, I am this stupid thing that couldnt get into NUS. And this is not the only insults that they throw at me, ok? " All Hema has is colour, she is not even pretty." Helllo? Its SOOO not my fault that I was born fair ok? and they all put down all the fair actresses that come on screen and praise all the dark actresses. My blooody luck to have been born fair. Then, " Hema is fat". Like double ouch. Oh and being busty is a crime in the household. If I wear anything that is just a little sexy, the comments start rolling. Their daughters are able to wear too short shorts or too tight blouses but S. Hemalatha cant even wear a black blouse. Go figure. Hello? It is not like my fault that I am blessed with fine, great assets, ok? Aargh! Unfortunately, I must learn to live with all of this cos it will always stay a part of my life:(
★
Date: Saturday, July 12, 2008 | Time: 10:38 PM
The ironies of Life. Friends are the ones who are supposed to make you feel better when you are feeling down and best friends are the ones who are supposed to always stay with you through thick or thin. On the other hand, strangers are the ones who do not know well enough to provide you support and the confidence that you need when you feel down. At least thats exactly what I used to think until the past few days had shown me otherwise. We had a mini Whitley gathering on Youth Day but only, Shoba, Durga, Janu, Vins and myself ended up going. In the outing, I learnt alot of things and realised that yes, indeed Ma is right.It is a dog eat dog world out there. Because, obviously they started asking Janu and myself what are our future plans like, for the universities. Janu said she is going to NTU BECAUSE SHE BLOODY ACCEPTED THE COURSE THEY WERE GIVING HER. So, Shoba asked me why didnt I accept the BLOODY COURSE THAT THEY OFFERED ME, so I told her truth, that I thought that I can do nothing with it, the moment I come out with a degree in it. And, Shobs was a perfect angel about it. Then. Vins, my supposedly best friend in the whole world( which I am seriously reconsidering it now) came late and asked us the question again. Janu again said that she is going to NTU and Vino asked me again ( though I remember VERY vividly that she was the first one I told that I got a stupid course from NTU.) So I told her the truth, DUH! That I rejected the course and am going to SIM to take up something that I LOVE doing. And, SHE GOT THE FUCKING GUTS TO SAY, " Oh, I see. Welll, at least Janu managed to go to NTU." And I was like( still not peeved yet) " Hey, I managed to get in too, its just that I rejected it." Then, cam the final blow," Wellll, Jananee is GOING to NTU". There I was, utterly shocked when Jananee just nodded her head in agreement to that statement. In my mind, SO THIS IS HOW THE BLOODY WORLD IS! THEY JUST GIVE A FUCK AS TO WHICH SCHOOL YOU GET THE DEGREE FROM, NOT WHAT DEGREE YOU ARE GOING GET AND HOW YOU ARE GOING TO GET IT. And, honestly, I am sick of people trying to be so called CONCERNED about what I am going to do. Its MY BLOODY LIFE, SO I HONESTLY THINK THESE PEOPLE SHOULD JUST STAY THE FUCK OUT OF IT, I MEAN IT. Then, yesterday, Ma's friend, Mariam, whom I have never met in my whole life messaged Ma, saying that IT IS NOT THE BLOODY SCHOOL THAT FUCKING MATTERS but the course and she wished me all the best. THATS SUPPORT! And, her daughter is a law student in NUS, which I presume means that she is like TOTALLY SMART. *Ahem* food for thought.Sometimes, I am disgusted that I am a Indian, who values prestige more that what the loves want to do. Then, again I am glad for my Chinese mentality that tells me to do what I wanna do, without giving a fuck about what others might think:)
★
Date: Thursday, July 3, 2008 | Time: 10:07 PM
Nanthiniy asked Nans to do this and Nans asked me to try it out. So, here goes. 20 Random Facts about ME!:)1.I may not look like your typical fit, athletic type of girl but I am OBSESSED with sports.2. I fell depressed very, very easily. 3. I REALLY care about the environment and animals.4. My favourite animal in the world is the KING COBRA:)5. I have a deep, sick passion for CROWS AND SPIDERS.( Do not ask me why.)6. I am a tomboy and a girly girl.( Go figure.)7. My two most favourite things in the world is DANCING and SOCCER.8. I may be stupid( since I did not get into NUS and all) but I still hate NOT knowing the correct answer to a question.9. I can be EXTREMELY patient when I want to be.10. Yet, I can blow my top very fast when necessary:p11. I TOTALLY reek in flirting.12. I TOTALLY rock in baby sitting cos I love and adore kids!13. I love my family MORE than anything.14. SWIMMING is my forte:)15. I get REALLY crazy and wacky dreams. 16. I get really crazy and wacky at times:p17. My favourite features are my hair and my eyes:)18. I hate it when Nans is grumpy.( which unfortunately is half the time:( 19. I AM an old soul cos my favourite songs usually hail form the 80s era.20. I just realised last night that I have had 8 crushes and none of them have reciprocated my feelings;(And, I have just realised that the one guy whom I have taken for granted and thought that he will always be there for me is now someone else's. This poem(?) is dedicated for him. DO NOT ASK ME WHO HE IS, OKIES? It is very unlikely that you know the person.I feel so lost,I feel so torn.I feel like my soul has been torn apart.Into a million and one pieces.I hate my heart,I hate myself.Cos I have continued loving youand only you.Though I know that you will never love me back.Cos your heart now belongs to another.I guess I should be sad,I think I should be mad.But all I can feel is joyIn knowing that you are happy.